Alphabetizing Beauty
by The Tomo
Summary: As Deidara becomes a member of the Akatsuki, he is very obstinate, and judges everything and everyone based on appearance. Sasori is ready to break him of that, refusing to show Deidara his true face, planning the ultimate hell for his partner. SASODEI


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, only god knows what I would change about the series… Yeah, I'm looking at you Sasori… You had better damn well get those clothes off… Ahem, now, please… Enjoy the story!

Alphabetizing Beauty

Chapter 01: A Faceless God

Sasori, Itachi, and Kisame led Deidara into the Akatsuki base; his disposition still piqued after his embarrassing defeat brought on by that damned Uchiha bastard. He looked up to Kisame, cringing a little as his mind wondered to thoughts of if what was true about real sharks, was true about him as well… Deidara blanched as he tried rid his mind of the thought of a man with two penises. Kisame was not too high up in Deidara's scale. His attention fell over to Itachi. Deidara had to ponder over this one for a while. Itachi was a total bastard; however, he wasn't as repugnant as say, shark man. He was a little higher.

Sasori was the next in the trio of Akatsuki whom went to fetch Deidara. He gazed at the hunchback body, the dark skin, the grotesque face, the abnormal hair, and the creepy way he walked; everything was nauseating to Deidara. He had the audacity to place him under Kisame in his scale.

Deidara was just that kind of person. One to judge another based solely on his or her looks. This was his curse as some would say, but he called it good taste. He stored an imaginary scoreboard within his mind. He was alphabetizing all the people around him based on their beauty.

Alphabetizing Beauty.

"What are you gawking at?" Asked Sasori as he noted the stare the blonde was giving him.

"Nothing," scoffed Dei as he swiftly turned his head away, allowing his hair to flip over some. He held his chin high and closed his eyes.

'Prissy little bitch,' Sasori thought, but paid it no mind as he and his fellow Akatsuki members brought Deidara to Pein.

"Leader-sama," spoke Sasori, "We have brought the one you had asked for."

The redhead looked up and gazed at the blonde with an emotionless face. Deidara returned the look; the thoughts running through his head were most likely very different from Pein's. Deidara looked Pein up and down a couple times. He noted the red hair and tried not to smile. Dei had always had a little thing for redheads. The piercings were something that he seldom saw, but it was something he didn't mind much at all. In fact, they raised Pein's score. So far, out of the Akatsuki Deidara had seen, Pein was at the top, as he should be, considering he was the so-called leader of this organization.

Pein inspected Deidara very closely. "What are you, boy?" He asked in a mocking tone.

"What am I?" Deidara asked in response.

"What do you do?" reiterated Pein.

"Oh, if that's what you wanted to know, why not just ask that in the first place, un?"

Pein raised an eyebrow as he awaited the blonde's answer.

"I'm an artist… I work mainly with clay, un," came the blonde's reply. Deidara looked up at Pein with a gentle smirk.

"You're with Sasori."

"What?!" Deidara exclaimed as he looked to the hunchbacked freak. "You mean I'm stuck with that- that _monster_?! What the hell kind of partner is that, yeah?" Deidara looked over to Sasori with horror. Imagine what that hideous thing could do to Dei's beautiful figure. Imagine the missions, trying to talk with _it_. What was he going to do about all this?

"Deidara, Akasuna no Sasori is a very powerful being," Pein said as he chose his words rather vigilantly. "I wouldn't anger him if I were you. As of now, you two are partners. The least you could do is show your danna some respect."

"Danna? I would never refer to him in that sense, un. He's just a weak little freak, un."

"Say what you will, _brat_. Nevertheless, you heard leader-sama. You're with me." Sasori gave Deidara a small glower before turning around and making his way out of Pein's domain. He headed towards his own room within the base. Deidara looked to Pein with a pout, and then turned to follow Sasori.

"H-hey. I'm sorry about the whole 'monster' thing, un. It's just; you're fucking hideous, yeah. People told me that Akasuna no Sasori is a great and powerful artist, but you look like your Quasimodo, un."

Sasori stopped and turned to look at Deidara. "You call yourself an artist, but all you do is critic me based on my appearance. I don't _look _like an artist. I don't _look _like a beautiful model. Everything to you is about the way something _looks_," he paused to get Deidara's reaction. "Maybe you should stop looking for an ephemeral thrill and find something you can truly cherish for eternity. Otherwise, you'll feel like a disreputable whore and you'll be used up before you can praise to the name of Akasuna no Sasori; begging me for help as your partner."

Deidara could feel his fists tighten. How dare that hunchback say those sorts of things to him? He was about ready to kill that man where he stood. "How _dare _you! You just _wish_ you could be that fleeting beauty I seek! You're too miserable being a hideous _beast_!"

Sasori's cable flew out from his body, lashing out and catching Deidara off guard. The coil wrapped around the punk's neck, squeezing hard. "Listen, _brat. _I am your elder, so you shall treat me with respect. You know not the true face of Akasuna no Sasori. You see merely the shell casing. You do not know my true face and you do not know me. So let me tell you, _brat… _I am your master; I am your puppeteer, pulling the strings to your every decision as long as you are my partner in the Akatsuki. I am your danna, and I am your sensei. Moreover, do not forget that most importantly… I am your _god_." Sasori released his grip on Deidara and continued to walk away.

Deidara held his throat, cringing to the crushing pain. He coughed a little, as though he caught whatever ailment Hayate had. 'My god?' he thought. 'What kind joke is that, un?' He watched as Sasori left, remembering what his danna had told him. 'My… Faceless god?' He wondered to himself. "This should be interesting, un."

-

Deidara stirred in his sleep, the indistinguishable sounds of voices drifting into his vacant mind. He let out a little moan in detest, not wanting to be woken just yet. He rolled over and grabbed the side of his pillow, bringing it up over the side of his head. He wanted to return to the land of blissful dreams, filled with smells of blood, sounds of death, sights of explosions, tastes of debris, and the feeling of fresh clay squirming in his hands.

Alas, his wish was denied as something blunt hit his head, and then began to put pressure on it. "ARG!" Deidara cried out as he pushed his body up, whatever was previously on his head now gone. "It's time… To wake up…" came the gentle voice of Itachi. Sasori was by the other man's side, snickering to the previous sight of Itachi slamming his foot down onto Deidara's head.

"You're going _down, _weasel!" Deidara screamed as he sat up properly, pointing a fierce looking index finger into Itachi's face.

"You might not want to do that," Itachi declared as he looked to the finger. He turned and began to walk off. He stopped at the doorway and looked back to Deidara. "I bite," he said in an almost seductive manner. Hearing that caused shivers to run up Dei's spine.

"Damn that weasel bitch!" Deidara shouted, forgetting that Sasori was still in the room. He realized the other man and turned to him. "What do you want, un?"

"You need to wake up. It's time to go," Sasori answered in a frustrated tone. "I hate when people make me wait. It's rather rude."

Deidara, not being one to conform to authority just scoffed at Sasori. "Whatever, un. I need my beauty sleep. You could use some yourself, un."

"I see that our little chat yesterday didn't quite sink in. Well, I suppose it does take some time to teach a _brat _some new mannerisms." Sasori turned to head out of the room. "I'll break you sooner or later. Now get ready to go." With that said, Sasori left.

Deidara sat there, looking rather dumbfounded. "Break me?" He asked aloud to himself. "Pfft. That guy needs to tighten some screws up in his head, un."

Sasori heard the last comment Deidara made as he was leaving the room. He chuckled a little to himself. "Maybe it's you who will get some screws tightened. We'll see how you take to that."

"Sasori," came the booming voice of Kisame, "What is going on in that head of yours?"

Sasori looked over to his fellow member. "Kisame, you can trust that I will only plan on doing what progresses this organization further." Sasori walked off and left a confused Kisame standing there.

"What is he thinking involving that new kid?" He questioned, looking over to Deidara's room. He glowered, and then made his way to Pein.

-

"Akasuna no Sasori," came the intimidating sound of Pein's voice.

"Yes, leader-sama?"

"I heard word from Kisame that you're making strange comments about the new recruit. These comments have concerned Kisame, and his concern is an apprehension of mine." Pein took a couple steps towards Sasori. "What are you concocting in that mind of yours, Sasori?" He asked with a deeper tone.

"The ultimate hell," Sasori replied nonchalantly.

"Ultimate… Hell?" Pein questioned, one of his eyebrows shooting up.

"Yes," confirmed Sasori. "If I cannot break that damn brat of his anarchist ideals, and his chauvinistic views of this planet, I'm afraid I have no choice but to show him his well-thought out punishment. It will be a beautiful and cruel creation."

Pein showed a rather nervous look toward Sasori. He never could figure out if that guy was totally insane, or a complete _genius. _He oddly trusted him, though. "I understand." Pein stared down at Sasori, contemplating what he should tell him. "I… Trust your judgment, Sasori. In addition, I do agree that Deidara should be broken of his rude attitude towards his superiors. Good luck."

Sasori gave a single nod in appreciation towards Pein's understanding demeanor. He then left to go see if the brat was ready to leave for their first mission together.

Sasori found Deidara, once more snoozing in bed. He felt rather infuriated towards this. He came up to the bedside, looked down at the obstinate brat, and wondered how he should wake him up this time. He could use Itachi again, but it's never any fun to see the same act repeated twice in such a short amount of time.

Sasori cocked his head as he thought. He didn't want to do anything too extravagant, so he settled with unleashing his cable, and firmly smacking Deidara in the gut with it.

Having the wind knocked out of him, Deidara immediately sat up and tried to rush air back into his lungs. He snapped his head to the side and looked to Sasori, an expression of utter loathing in his eyes. He stared at Sasori like this until the silence was broken. "I told you to get up, and you didn't listen. Don't look at me like that, we have to get going. We have a mission to attend to."

Deidara grumbled as he slowly made his way out of his bed. He stood up and grabbed his clothing. He looked to Sasori as a signal to leave.

"Oh no, I'm not leaving you by yourself again. You can get dressed with me in here. Deal with it, brat."

Deidara growled as he took of his sleepwear, followed by getting on his pants, shirt, and then cloak. He picked up the hat and looked down at it. He frowned before he put it on.

"Happy?" Dei asked Sasori.

"Ecstatic," replied Sasori in a sarcastic tone. He smiled a little to himself inside of Hiruko. He was pleased to have a puppet to help him hide his true faces from the world.

"Let's go, then, hunchba- danna," Deidara said impatiently.

Sasori nodded and lead the way out, Deidara close behind.

Deidara watched Sasori intently, wondering to himself what the true face of Akasuna no Sasori, his faceless god, really was.

(TBC)

There we go. The first chapter of my first Naruto fic. Just incase you're curious, this fic will be 26 chapters exactly. Each chapter will begin with the according letter of the alphabet. This idea was inspired by one of my favorite authoresses from another fanfiction site. Though, I'm not taking her idea completely, she did each fic in alphabetical order. I'm WAY too lazy to do 26 fics like that. Hell no. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter… I know it was rather slow, but hey! I have the span of 26 chapters to get this puppy barkin'. I hope you'll continue to read on, I have ideas exploding out my ass like constant diarrhea for this story. It's goin' places, baby!

Three parts of this were dedicated to three different people in my life. I think if my brat reads this, she will immediately laugh when she reads the part dedicated to her. She says it all the time. The whole Hayate thing was a little joke I had to put in there for my Hayate who seems to give me aids a lot. I swear, Hayate has aids, and it was SO HARD for me not to write, 'He coughed a little, as though he caught whatever ailment Hayate had. He prayed it wasn't aids.' Anyway, yeah a little humor. In addition, the third thing was for my Ali. I just had to put some sexy Itachi in there for her! I love you all!

Random Tomo Fact: Tomo's right leg is asleep right now. It sucks.


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